Pregnancy Post: why we chose not to find out the gender of our baby

Until very recently, within the last few weeks, no random stranger had said anything to me about being pregnant. As my belly is positively pregnant to the outside world now (you know, the point where people start saying “you are definitely pregnant” and you’re like “i’ve been definitely pregnant for quite some time now but okay”) I’ve been stopped by random people that tend to ask a couple routine questions.

1) When are you due? Which sometimes comes in the from of this sort of statement: “You look like you’re about ready to have that baby”

2) Are you having a boy or girl? Or my personal favorite: Do you know what you’re having? *Yes I do know what I’m having… I’m having a human*

These are typical questions but the second one is particularly interesting because depending on how you answer, and in our case it’s “we aren’t finding out”, there are two reactions:

1) Thats’s so cool.

2) You’re so crazy.

People fall into two categories: those who want to find out and those who don’t. I always thought I would fall into the latter. My mom didn’t find out with her last one and I thought she was crazy but now I realize she’s just even cooler than I thought.

Behold the list of why we chose not to find out. It really doesn’t make a difference whether you do or don’t.

There isn’t much to plan for. Probably the most rehearsed response to finding out your baby’s gender is all the planning that goes into having a baby.”I just couldn’t do that, I need to know so I can plan” they say. I would like to know what planning that is so I can get on board ASAP. From my perspective here’s what you need to plan for: sleeping (and sleep deprivation), eating, and pooping. These are pretty standard for boys and girls the last I checked. Now, there’s a lot of extra stuff you can plan for but you don’t need to. Plan on feeding your baby, loving on your baby, sleeping, and changing their diapers. Oh and a note about picking out a name. It’s really not rocket science here guys, just you know, pick a boy and a girl name.

Pink or blue is just not us. It’s not a bad thing if you want your girl to be in pink from head to toe the moment she’s born or if you want your boy in blue but it’s just not me or my husband. We like gender neutral colors better anyways. We are ensuring that for the first little moments of baby’s life it will not be bombarded with pink or blue. And thus ensuring future children will be able to use those same little outfits no matter what.

To save ourselves from all the “advice”/”we wish it was a boy or girl” comments. I’ve heard that once you know if it’s a boy or girl the “advice” starts flowing in like a tsunami. Can’t tell you if it’s true or not but since that “advice” will be flowing my way for the rest of the kids life, I’ll just save myself from the annoyance of having to listen to it during my pregnancy. Isn’t it so sweet when people tell you once you find out that they were hoping for a girl but of course you’re having a boy? This should be on the list of things not to say to pregnant couples but people say it. We won’t have to deal with it during my pregnancy and if someone dare says a comment like that to us after the precious baby is out of my womb… I’ll punch them…hard.

It makes no difference to us/who really cares. It really doesn’t or shouldn’t make a difference to anyone but some people have their heart set on a boy or a girl. In not finding out we don’t have to deal with any disappointment that could come from not having what we hoped for or what people hoped for us. Also, who cares?

Side note: I don’t have a pregnancy instinct as to whether I’m having a boy or girl. Do people really have those? And, it’s such a strange question when people ask me what I’m hoping for or wanting. Like, how do you respond to that? And how do you respond to that after you find out it’s not what you hoped for. “Well, it’s not a girl like I wanted but…” *awkward*

What if the docs get it wrong? We’ve come a long way in technology and ultrasounds but it’s not bulletproof. As someone who does like to have a plan, I would be thrown for quite a loop if they got it wrong. It doesn’t happen too often but with my luck, if I did find out, it would happen to us.

It’s fun. It’s fun when people react to you not knowing. It’s fun to piss off the crazy planners that want to know. It’s fun to play guessing games/doctor. It’s fun. It’s fun to have your family on the edge of their seat once the baby is being born. It’s just fun. I can’t explain the kind of fun it is unless you’re someone who hasn’t or doesn’t plan to find out but it’s fun.

It’s probably the biggest surprise you’ll ever get. When I think about how surprised we’re going to be, I can hardly handle it. Sure, it’s a surprise either way but it’s an even bigger surprise when the baby is being birthed. If all goes as planned Jonah will be the one who gets to yell “It’s a ________”! Oh my word. Life throws you very few true genuine surprises, this is one of them. Embrace it.

We just didn’t want to. It’s obviously that you do or do not want to know. But for us, we had no crazy desire to know. We’re having baby showers like most people do. We don’t really care for gender reveal parties or photo shoots and since we aren’t on Facebook there aren’t many people to announce it to anyways. Our nursery is going to be grey-white with some fun accent like mint or teal or sea-foam green. We just didn’t need to know and at 26 weeks, it’s a super exciting journey so far.

For all of you who think we’re crazy for not finding out. Here’s a funny post about reasons NOT to keep the baby’s gender a surprise.

Happy St. Patty’s Day!



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